Introduction
Source: Image from istockphotos, text by IPSI
We normally don’t read minds well, but we think we can read yours right now: “I’m not sure why I’m even looking at this lesson. I don’t have problems using the correct verb tense. And that voice and syntax stuff probably doesn’t affect my writing. What are voice and syntax anyway?”
If that’s close to what you’re thinking, the following paragraph will illustrate why you definitely need to go through this lesson. Although the sentences include detailed, descriptive language, some elements of the writing just aren’t right. What problems do you notice?
Her name was Connie. She was fifteen. She has a quick, nervous giggling habit of craning her neck. Glancing into mirrors is why she craned her neck. She checked other people’s faces. She wants to make sure her own is all right. Everything is noticed by her mother. Her mother knows everything. Her mother didn’t have much reason any longer to look at her own face. Connie was always scolded by her mother about it. “Stop gawking at yourself. Who are you? You think you’re so pretty?” she would say. Connie raises her eyebrows at these familiar old complaints. Connie looks right through her mother. She looked into a shadowy vision of herself as she was right at that moment. She knew she was pretty. That is everything.
The words themselves were easy enough to read and understand, but making sense of the paragraph was hard, wasn’t it? So what made the writing choppy and unsettling? Maybe you noticed these problem areas: the verb tense shifted between past and present tenses, the sentence structure lacked variety, and the passive voice in two sentences sucked the life out of the words. To summarize, improper tense, voice, and syntax doomed the paragraph.
Now read the accurate version of the sentences as they appear in Joyce Carol Oates’s short story “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?”
Source: Girl looking in mirror, istockphotos
Her name was Connie. She was fifteen and she had a quick, nervous giggling habit of craning her neck to glance into mirrors or checking other people’s faces to make sure her own was all right. Her mother, who noticed everything and knew everything and who hadn’t much reason any longer to look at her own face, always scolded Connie about it. “Stop gawking at yourself. Who are you? You think you’re so pretty?” she would say. Connie would raise her eyebrows at these familiar old complaints and look right through her mother, into a shadowy vision of herself as she was right at that moment: she knew she was pretty and that was everything.
In addition to the words Oates chooses, the way she writes the paragraph—maintaining a consistent verb tense, using active voice, and varying the syntax—contributes to its effectiveness. Editing for these same elements can improve your writing, too. This lesson provides brief reviews of tense, voice, and syntax and offers you plenty of opportunities to practice and sharpen your editing skills.