Source: “Halfway done,” swirlspice, Flickr
One of the challenges of writing is to make your sentences interesting both in what they say and in how they sound. Even sentences that are meaningful and important can sound boring if they are the same length and begin in similar ways.
Often combining two sentences can add variety to the length of your sentences (making one longer sentence out of two short ones). Through the addition of introductory words or phrases, you can also create variety in your combined sentences.
Look at the paragraph below. Can you think of a way to improve the sentences highlighted in blue (sentences 3–8) by using the phrase “Instead of” as a sentence beginning? Hint: you need to combine sentences 3 and 4; 5 and 6; and then 7 and 8.
Use your notes to rewrite these sentences. When you’re finished, check your understanding to see a possible response. 
Source: “Wall Mural in Yellow Springs,” UGArdener, Flickr
(1) Many people avoid hard physical work. (2) They avoid it whenever they can. (3) They hire someone to mow the lawn. (4) They don’t want to do it themselves. (5) They rent a machine to dig a hole. (6) They don’t want to get out a shovel. (7) They will wait for a bus for thirty minutes. (8) They don’t want to walk ten blocks down the street. (9) These people are missing out on the benefits of physical work. (10) They are trying to avoid physical work whenever they can. (11) They are denying themselves a significant pleasure. (12) Hard physical work doesn’t just make you tired; it can actually make you feel good.
Sample Response:
Sentences 3 & 4: Instead of mowing the lawn themselves, they will hire someone to do it.
Sentences 5 & 6: Instead of getting out a shovel to dig a hole, they will rent a machine.
Sentences 7 & 8: Instead of walking ten blocks down the street, they will wait for a bus for thirty minutes.
You might think that it is boring for all of these sentences to start with “Instead of.” You always have to make up your own mind about such things. The best way to make a decision is to read it out loud. In this case the three new sentences are parallel ideas, so using a similar structure has the advantage of emphasizing the parallel structure.
Now try revising the two sentences highlighted in gray by leaving out a few words and using the preposition “by” to combine them. When you’re finished, check your understanding to see a possible response.
Source: “Wall Mural in Yellow Springs,” UGArdener, Flickr
(1) Many people avoid hard physical work. (2) They avoid it whenever they can. (3) They hire someone to mow the lawn. (4) They don’t want to do it themselves. (5) They rent a machine to dig a hole. (6) They don’t want to get out a shovel. (7) They will wait for a bus for thirty minutes. (8) They don’t want to walk ten blocks down the street. (9) These people are missing out on the benefits of physical work. (10) They are trying to avoid physical work whenever they can. (11) They are denying themselves a significant pleasure. (12) Hard physical work doesn’t just make you tired; it can actually make you feel good.
Sample Response:
They are denying themselves a significant pleasure by avoiding physical work whenever they can, or by avoiding physical work whenever they can, they are denying themselves a significant pleasure.
Source: “Revision,” Marco Buonvino, Flickr
There are many ways to revise a piece of writing. One way to determine the right parts to revise is to hear how the writing sounds. You should always test the revision against your ear and your mouth by reading it aloud if you can. If you can’t actually read it aloud, read it aloud in your head. (A writing authority named Peter Elbow has written an entire book about using your mouth and ear to revise your writing.)
For this next activity, read a revised version of the paragraph. Do your mouth and ear agree that it’s better than the original paragraph above?
Many people avoid hard physical work. They avoid it whenever they can. Instead of mowing the lawn themselves, they will hire someone to do it. Instead of getting out a shovel to dig a hole, they will rent a machine. Instead of walking ten blocks down the street, they will wait for a bus for thirty minutes. These people are missing out on the benefits of physical work. By avoiding physical work whenever they can, they are denying themselves a significant pleasure. Hard physical work doesn’t just make you tired; it can actually make you feel good.
Earlier in the lesson you revised some of these sentences. If you revised in a different way, test your sentences by reading the whole paragraph aloud with your own revisions. Your revision may sound just as good or better. Are there other revisions that you would make to the paragraph above?
Source: “I tend to scribble a lot,” Nic McPhee, Flickr
You certainly could make other changes. Each time you make a change, though, test it by reading it aloud.
In this section, you changed several pairs of sentences by combining them to make them longer, and you changed several pairs of sentences by adding an introductory phrase that changed the way the sentences started.
Most sentence variety comes from changing the lengths of sentences and changing the beginnings of sentences. The idea is to avoid sentences that have the same length over and over and sentences that have similar beginnings over and over, although sometimes we do this on purpose for effect, as above with “instead of.” Again, always test your revisions against your mouth and ear by reading them aloud.